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.“Did you want anything to eat?”Food reminded me of asparagus pie.Reminded me of Mom.“Nah.I’m good.”I dunked a hand into the water, flicking a finger on the surface.“Is it warm enough?”Huh? I focused on Rune.“Um, feels fine to me.”“Okay, ah, good.I’ll just get you a towel.”When the bath was half-full, I turned off the taps.Just looking at the water went a way to release the tension in my shoulders.I shucked off my t-shirt, pants, boxers, and stepped in.Slithered into the water, and rested my head against the side of the bath.I closed my eyes and listened to my breath as it came in and out.A light step came by my right.I peeked through my eyelashes.Rune laid a fresh towel on top of the rack.He glanced at me, and quickly away again.He cleared his throat.Still when he spoke, his voice came out husky.“Towel’s there.If you need anything else, just yell.”He left as I sat up to say something, shutting the door behind him.I stared at it as if it were made of glass and I could see Rune’s graceful figure moving about on the other side.Uncapping the shampoo, I breathed in the soft vanilla.Scrubbed myself clean and did my hair with it, smiling.I’m going to smell like Rune.In the background he shuffled, then started strumming on the guitar.Although it wasn’t the cleanest playing, it sounded familiar.“Rune?” I called out.No response.Way too lazy to get out of the bath, I eyed my t-shirt.After balling a bar of soap in it, I threw it.Thump.The guitar stopped.“Rune! Come in here.”Rune opened the door and paused.“Yeah?”“Come in here with the guitar and play for me some more.”He obliged, perching himself on a stool and playing softly.I recognized the song when Rune started humming.Another Day In Paradise.The lyrics came flashing to me, but I wasn’t picturing a girl—Rune filled my head.How often he needed help, and couldn’t get it? No one ever looking at him.“Stop,” I said, and he stilled the music with a palm to the strings.It’s too sad.I didn’t need that right now.I wanted something else.A way to forget.A way for him to forget too.“Thanks.”I stood up, water dripping off me and splashing into the bath.I reached over and pulled the towel off the rack.Rune blushed as his gaze slid over my body.I held my breath, and stepped out of the both toward him.He lurched out of his seat and left the room.I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist and now semi-hardness.Does he find me attractive? As I walked into the main room, Rune stood at the kitchen counter focused on pouring a cup of tea.He refused to look up, so I came up to him, brushing his side with mine.If he glanced downward, he’d know I liked how he’d looked at me.“What are ya making?”His adam’s apple bobbed up and down.“Peppermint tea.” He shifted a bit to the right away from me, and I glimpsed the front of his strained shorts.A thread of nervousness uncoiled in my stomach.Like nothing I’d ever had.I ignored it.This can be the way to forget.I could give Rune something he needed, too—he could have those other things guys our age had.Before he could grab the jug, I spun him around and pressed a palm into his hardness.“We can have sex if you want.”“What? No!” Rune pulled away.Didn’t say anything else for a bit.Sat on the couch and rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling.“Scott,” he said, and damn did I hear the hurt in his tone.“I’m not interested in a quick fuck.”RUNEIn the corner of my eye, I saw Scott slump against the counter.He twisted the towel around his hip.“I thought you’d want the experience.I’m sorry.”I’m sorry? Those two words bit hard.I jumped up, stormed over to my bag.“How are you sorry? You don’t even get how sad that was.The fact you just offered… where is your self-respect? No—” I couldn’t even form the words to describe how I felt right now.I grabbed the keys.“I’m going for a walk.”I left my bag.A message to him—I will be back.This wasn’t running away, this was time out.A moment to think.To understand the stream of conflicting feelings within me.I jogged down the stairs, my locket bouncing, a warm weight against my chest.I didn’t stay out long.An hour perhaps.I walked to the theatre, sat in the middle of the empty stage, legs dangling over the front.Imagined the rows of chairs in front of me were filled of people all clapping—no, not even clapping, they could be booing for all I cared—so long as they stared at me.I scanned the rows of my imaginary audience, looking for him.Scott.There he was sitting with that waiter man on one side, a girl on the other.All exchanging numbers.Coy smiles.Wanna have sex? mouthed with the raise of a brow.Damn it.I slammed a fist on the stage floor.I didn’t want to be a notch, another one of his escapist attempts.Feeling for the clasp, I gripped my locket.Unclasped, and opened it.The picture of my mom on the one side was fading, but the lines of her face were etched into my memory.I wish she were here.Able to hug and tell me everything will be all right.I removed my thumb from the other side of the locket.Scott.A picture I’d taken from the distance, one of the times I’d visited.He looked so young.But even as this had been taken, he’d been suffering.God, now that I knew that, it was impossible not to see the hurt screaming out of him.The shadowed eyes, the slump of his shoulders.I jumped off the stage and strode up the center aisle.Headed back to the apartment.No matter how upset, angry, hurt, I longed to see him again.Needed to secure the tentative thread of connection we’d established today.Tighten and secure it.I ran up the staircase, each of my steps slapping and echoing off the wall.Please be there still.With a quick jerk of the key, I opened the door, and giant-stepped inside.Scott sat on the couch, wearing my clothes, and looking at the screen on his camera.A small smile edged his lips.The sight had me holding my breath.Without looking up, he said, “The pictures of you.They’re—you’re beautiful.”I released the breath.Tried for a joke [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]