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.I want a child to help fill it, a child of my own, someone with a blood bond.I want that connection.I don't have it with anyone else in the world." She curled her hand into a fist.Her voice was suddenly smaller, diminished by the overwhelming yearning she was trying to describe."There are times." She paused."Times what?""Times when I feel so lonely for family.Times when." She struggled with the emotion, and he didn't rush her."Times when I feel like I have so much feeling inside me with no place to put it.Times when I feel like I'll burst." She paused again, then sighed."Does this mean anything to you?"He didn't answer."It probably doesn't.You have a family.You have grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins, a sister, two nephews and a niece.Whenever you want you can come home to people you love and who love you.Do you know how precious that is, Spencer?"He remained silent."Oh, look, " she went on apologetically, "I'm not saying you don't, and I'm certainly not criticizing you.You've chosen to be footloose and fancy free, and that's your right You like your life.It's exciting and busy and full.You don't suffer from attacks of the lonelies.I'm not sure many men do.They're more self-contained than we are.They don't crave the soft, warm, silly family things women do." She leaned back against the pillows."If I'd been born a man, my life would be perfect.""I'm glad you weren't born a man" came the deep voice from the other end of the line just as Jenna was beginning to think he'd fallen asleep."You're too pretty for that."She didn't know what to say.Spencer had never given her a compliment before.She had always been his younger sister's best friend, and not even with Caroline was he a compliment giver.His affection for her came out in his interest in the things she was doing and in her children.Jenna had been simply one of the things Caroline was doing.The compliment was kind, though Jenna didn't delude herself into thinking that he meant anything deep by it.No doubt since she had just painted a picture of how alone she was in the world, he was feeling sorry for her.Feeling strangely awkward and doubly grateful that they were talking on the phone rather than in person, she said in a quiet voice, "Well, that's neither here nor there.Have you decided whether I'd be a good mother for your child?""If I wanted a child, you'd be fine."She sat straight again."Then you'll do it?""I don't know if I want a child.I told you that this afternoon.I need time to decide.""But I wanted to start on this soon.""How soon?""I'll be ovulating in two weeks.You said you'd give me an answer before you leave.""I will.That gives me another twelve hours to make a decision.""Is it so difficult, Spencer?" she pleaded."A few minutes of your time this month, maybe next.I won't ask a thing of you after that.Not a thing, and you'll have that in writing.""I wasn't planning to have a child.""But this will be like not having one, only your parents will be pleased."He snorted."Yeah, and they'll start in on me about coming home for the kid's birthday and Christmas, and they'll nag—""They won't, " Jenna interrupted.She had strong feelings about that."If you agree to this, and if I do get pregnant, I'll tell them the truth.They'll know that you were doing a favor to me, that I've insisted that your role be limited to the child's conception, and that I have sole custody.I've talked this part out with Caroline.She agrees that given the choice between accepting my rules or alienating themselves from my child, they'll let you be.""But I don't need a child.""I do."Seconds stretched into minutes.When Jenna couldn't bear the thudding of her heart any longer, she said, "Spencer? Will you?""You have guts, " he declared in a way that said he thought she was either very brave or very crazy."I don't think there's another woman on this earth who'd ask me to do what you have.""I'm desperate.I want my baby to be the absolute very best.For that, I need the absolute very best man, and you're the absolute very best man.""Oh, please.""It's the truth.Will you do it?""I don't want to.""I know, but you're considering it." She held her breath.He swore under his.She could picture him plowing a hand through his hair much as he'd done on the dock that afternoon."Look, " he said with a long-suffering sigh, "the best I can offer to do is to give it more thought.Can we meet later?""Name the time and place, and I'll be there."After a minute, he grumbled, "Hell, I don't know when or where.I'll call you tomorrow.Will you be around?""All day.I won't go anywhere.I'll wait for your call.Spencer, thanks.I really appreciate your doing this.""I haven't said I'd do anything.""But you haven't said no.You're thinking about it, and that's all I can ask.If you decide you can't, I'll be really disappointed, but I'll understand.It wouldn't be right for you to feel forced into doing something that you're against either for moral reasons or for reasons that—""Go to bed, Jenna, " he cut in."I can't think when you babble.I'll call you later.'Bye."Chapter 4Spencer could have easily killed Caroline [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]