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.”“You are normal Isabella, you just got pulled into an abnormal situation.Coming here and talking about your past is the first step towards healing the guilt and fear that makes you feel abnormal.”“Opening up has always been a problem for me.”“It’s a problem for most victims of sexual abuse.Have you ever read Macbeth?”I nod my head.“In college.”“There’s a part where Malcolm says ‘Give sorrow words; the grief that doesn’t speak-’”“Whispers the o’er fraught heart, and bids it break,” I finish.“You know it?” he asks.I nod my head and he continues, “The grief you don’t talk about will build softly in your heart until it bids it to break, Isabella.”The grief has already broken it, ten times over.I glance at the clock and realize we ran over our time, I begin to gather my things but he stops me before leaving the room.“One last thing Isabella, I think it would be wise for you to abstain from sex for a while.”“No.Absolutely not.Cayden, the sex I have with Liam is totally different.” I suddenly feel nervous and fidgety.I’m willing to work on dealing with my past to be with Liam, but I can’t imagine being in the same room as him and not being able to touch him and taste him.“How is it different?”“When I’m with Liam I’m not searching for happiness through sex.He is my happiness and I share my body with him.I don’t take what I need and leave.What I do with Liam can’t even be compared to the empty sex I had before him.When I’m with him I’m not trying to chase away the past.When I’m with him all I see is future possibilities.”“I still advise a period of abstinence.The choice is yours and I hope you take my advice.”I leave his office thinking how very unlikely that will be.On Saturday morning Gabby texts me, asking me to meet her for lunch at a local bar.I was that glad she was making the effort to reach out to me.I’m actually excited when I walk in and see Gabby waiting for me at the bar.She waves at me as I walk towards her.I slip into the stool next to her and order a martini.“I got us a table,” she says, pointing towards the back of the room.As soon as the bartender places my drink down we head to our table.We decide to order a sampler platter and share.We settle in to a natural conversation and I’m relieved because I was sure this would be awkward.“So what was Liam like in college?”Her smile widens and she answers with one word, “Man-whore.” She shakes her head at the memory.“He was pretty horrible.I’m not even sure how we became friends.We were lab partners and afterwards I think the only reason he still talked to me was because he thought I would sleep with him.”“Oh…Okay.And did you?”“No, you can take that panicked look off your face.We’re both glad that never happened.If it had, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be friends now because before you his women didn’t stick around for long.” The waiter appears and places a platter in the middle of the table.“Yeah, but it looks like I didn’t last that long either.” I hate to admit it but it’s been two days since he showed up at Rich’s place, and I’m starting to think we won’t get past our problems.The longer the separation, the more I fear losing him permanently.“He misses you,” she says.“I miss him too,” I admit.Gabby sighs and rolls her eyes, “You two are just too similar.You both like to be in control so you’re always bumping heads.This is the first time either of you have been in love and you have to learn how to maintain that.It may not seem like it now, but you’ll be back together in no time.”No time at all seems to be taking an eternity.I miss seeing his face every morning and I miss being wrapped in his warmth at night.Most days when I wake in the morning I get a sick feeling when I realize he’s not next to me.“Are you going to eat?” Gabby asks when she realizes I haven’t touched the platter of fried goodness.“I’m not really hungry, I just wanted to spend some time with you.Thanks for the pep talk.”“I’m doing a lot of that lately,” she says, but I can’t imagine Liam needing a pep talk.After all he’s the one who left me and I would pathetically take him back soon as he let me in.Chapter 10IsabellaOn Monday morning I practically drag myself into the office.Rich went away for the weekend and won’t be back till tonight so the apartment’s been really quiet.Without Rich to brighten my mood, I stayed in bed most of the weekend after my lunch with Gabby.“Ella?” Lillian’s voice booms through the intercom on my desk.“Yes.”“Liam’s secretary just called.He wants you in his office in five minutes.”Oh god, I feel nervous and excited at the same time.Lately when we get in the same room all we do is argue until we’re both agitated, but the eroticism is ever present.By the time I get myself together and make it to his office, I’m more than ten minutes late, and his irritated face reflects it.I sit across from him as he glares at me from his commanding throne.He tosses me a magazine and when my eyes fall on the cover I giggle at the absurdity of his reaction.“You’re angry because of my photo shoot?”“You’re naked, Ella, it’s practically porn.”I can’t help it so I laugh harder, even when he gets up, comes around the desk, and pulls me up to face him.These arguments are getting more nonsensical every day.We’re either fiercely angry with each other or blissfully happy, there’s no middle ground.“You think this is funny, but I’m this close to firing Adrian over this.” That comment sobers me up quickly.“It’s just a picture.Arianna was just as bare when she was on the cover.”“I don’t give a fuck about Arianna.I don’t want you walking around in front of Adrian naked.”“He was very professional.”“Oh I’m sure he was, just as professional as your Dr.Knight.” His sarcasm stings me, reminds me of the low opinion he has of me and his lack of trust in me.He must have seen the flash of hurt in my eyes because his expression softens.“I didn’t mean that,” he says, but I just shrug it off and try to walk away, but his hold on me tightens.“I’m sorry,” he whispers before gently kissing my chin then my lips.My body responds immediately, I grip his shirt, and pull him against my body.He tastes so familiar yet different; like coming home after an extended trip and appreciating everything anew.My hand moves to his chin and I can feel his jaw flexing as his mouth moves aggressively against mine.I don’t care what happens thirty minutes from now.I know I need him and I’ve always been good at taking what I want.I fumble with the buttons of his shirt, but when my hand gets to his belt buckle, they’re steady and quick.I get a head rush from feeling him hot and heavy against my palm.I’m dizzy with the excitement of tasting him [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]