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.Drone, drone, drone.Ruby shot a sideways glance at her friend Andi, who was paying attention and making notes.Once upon a time Ruby used to pay attention and make notes, but she didn’t have the energy any more.Or the heart, for that matter.She felt tired a lot of the time; a tiredness that was interspersed with moments of great vitality, normally around mealtimes.She was doing her best to eat as little as possible, but it was difficult.She spent hours fantasising about chocolate, or cheese on toast – white bread, of course, with red cheddar dripping down the sides.Then she’d feel angry with herself for becoming so obsessed – it was only food, and despite all her efforts, nobody was noticing.Not her mother, not her father, not even Vonnie.Nobody.If only she could stick it out a bit longer, then someone would see and everything would be better, surely? They’d realise that she was in pain then, and all of them – Mum, Dad, Vonnie – would see that she was trapped in the middle of this adult battle and she couldn’t take it any more.But so far – nothing.They were all too caught up in their own dramas to notice her.What would it take to make them sit up? she wondered.She’d thought about running away, but she knew Shelby would be devastated.The whole point about shocking them by losing weight was that it didn’t involve Shelby.She wouldn’t even have to know, let alone get worried about it.That was part of its brilliance.If it ever worked.The mornings were easiest not to eat, when her resolve was high.No matter how hungry she felt in the morning, she flattened down the feelings, buried them deep inside her and grabbed an apple or occasionally a low-fat yogurt from the fridge.It required no effort to fool her mother.Mum rarely noticed anything any more.She was cooking a huge amount, doing her best mother impersonation and serving up cordon-bleu delights every night to Ruby and Shelby, but she took amazingly little notice of whether they ate it or not.Ruby had become adept at pushing things around her plate, then moving swiftly to the bin the moment her mother’s back was turned.She’d empty her plate, cover up the discarded food with a sheet of kitchen roll and be loading the plate into the dishwasher by the time her mother noticed.‘Fabulous food,’ she’d say blithely, giving her mother a brief hug as she walked past.‘Must go up and study.’Studying was the most amazing excuse for everything.It stopped her mother in her tracks when she was about to get into her stride complaining about Ruby’s father and that woman, as she called Vonnie.It stopped her noticing what Ruby put into her packed lunch.And it made Ruby look like a perfectly behaved teenager.In reality, she’d be staring out the window, messing on her phone, reading, or just lying on her bed in a semi-doze, because she felt tired and was thinking about food.Some nights, she gave in and ran down to the fridge, where she stood in the darkened kitchen gorging herself on whatever she could find.Cheese, cold chicken, a bowl of leftover apple crumble.Anything.As soon as she finished, the guilt and shame would overwhelm her.How could she have given in? Nobody would ever notice if she kept pigging out this way.She’d tried throwing up but she couldn’t do it.Ever since she was little, she’d had a phobia about being sick, and no matter how many times she tried, she couldn’t.Finally, exhausted, red-eyed and full of self-anger at her inability to control even one aspect of her life, she’d fall into bed and sleep heavily, to wake shattered in the morning.She was almost on the verge of giving up, because nobody paid any attention whatsoever.And then one day, somebody did notice: Maria, the queen bee of her year.‘Ruby, you look fabulous,’ Maria had said as they were changing for sport.‘What are you doing – South Beach, the Dukan?’Ruby had responded with a speculative look.Maria could be an absolute bitch if crossed, but thus far she’d never given Ruby any trouble.Even so, it gave her great pleasure to shrug her slender shoulders and say: ‘Nothing really, Maria.I’m just naturally slim.’Maria’s eyes glittered.Ruby knew exactly how hard Maria worked to keep her slim figure, so it was the ultimate irritation to discover someone who achieved the same effect with no effort.‘Oh well,’ said Maria, still not quite able to diss Ruby, because, after all, she was looking totally amazing, ‘whatever it is, you look good.’Ruby had felt triumph flood through her.Somebody had noticed! It wouldn’t be long now, surely? Vonnie would see, Ruby knew she would, and Vonnie would tell Dad and it would all stop.Somebody would think about her and Shelby and see how horrible life had become for them.Mum would have to stop thinking about herself long enough to realise she had two daughters to consider.The bitching, the anger, the grand inquisition about the house in Poppy Lane: all of it would stop.Beside her in history class, Andi reached out and poked Ruby in the arm.‘Earth to Planet Ruby,’ she whispered.‘You’re supposed to be writing this down [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]