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.With absolutely no evidence to go on, I was profoundly sure this glitter was the missing link connecting him to each of his victims.That was as far as my intuition would take me.When I attempted to envision more, my mind went blank.Was the glitter a clue that could lead us to where he lived? Was it related to some profession or recreation that gave him his initial contact with the women he would murder? Or stranger yet, did the residue originate with the women themselves? Maybe it was something each victim had in her house or even on her person or in her workplace.Maybe it was something each woman purchased from him.God only knew.We couldn't test every item found in a person's house or office or some other place frequently visited, especially if we had no idea what we were looking for.I turned into my drive.Before I'd parked my car, Bertha was opening the front door.She stood in the glare of the porch light, her hands on her hips, her purse looped over a wrist.I knew what this meant-she was in one big hurry to leave.I hated to think what Lucy had been like today."Well?" I asked when I got to the door.Bertha started shaking her head."Terrible, Dr.Kay.That child.Uh-uh! Don't know what in the world's got in her.She been bad, bad, bad."I'd reached the ragged edge of this worn-out day.Lucy was in a decline.In the main, it was my fault.I hadn't handled her well.Or perhaps I'd handled her, period, and that was a better way to state the problem.Not accustomed to confronting children with the same forthrightness and bluntness that I used with relative impunity on adults, I hadn't questioned her about the computer violation, nor had I so much as alluded to it.Instead, after Bill left my house Monday night, I had disconnected the telephone modem in my office and carried it upstairs to my closet.My rationale was Lucy would assume I took it downtown, in for repairs, or something along these lines, if she noticed its absence at all.Last night she made no mention of the missing modem, but was subdued, her eyes fleeting and hinting of hurt when I caught her watching me instead of the movie I'd inserted in the VCR.What I did was purely logical.If there were even the slightest chance it was Lucy who broke into the computer downtown, then the removal of the modem obviated her doing it again without my accusing her or instigating a painful scene that would tarnish our memories of her visit.If the violation did recur, it would prove Lucy couldn't be the perpetrator, should there ever be a question.All this when I know human relationships are not founded on reason any more than my roses are fertilized with debate.I know seeking asylum behind the wall of intellect and rationality is a selfish retreating into self-protectiveness at the expense of another's well-being.What I did was so intelligent it was as stupid as hell.I remembered my own childhood, how much I hated the games my mother used to play when she would sit on the edge of my bed and answer questions about my father.He had a "bug" at first, something that "gets in the blood" and causes relapses every so often.Or he was fighting off "something some colored person" or "Cuban" carried into his grocery store.Or "he works too hard and gets himself run down, Kay."Lies.My father had chronic lymphatic leukemia.It was diagnosed before I entered the first grade.It wasn't until I was twelve and he deteriorated from stage-zero lymphocytosis to stage-three anemia that I was told he was dying.We lie to children even though we didn't believe the lies we were told when we were their age.I don't know why we do that.I didn't know why I'd been doing it with Lucy, who was as quick as any adult.By eight-thirty she and I were sitting at the kitchen table.She was fiddling with a milk shake and I was drinking a much-needed tumbler of Scotch.Her change in demeanor was unsettling and I was fast losing my nerve.All the fight in her had vanished; all of the petulance and resentment over my absences had retreated.I couldn't seem to warm her or cheer her up, not even when I said Bill would be dropping by just in time to say good-night to her.There was scarcely a glimmer of interest.She didn't move or respond, and she wouldn't meet my eyes."You look sick," she finally muttered."How would you know? You haven't looked at me once since I've been home.""So.You still look sick.""Well, I'm not sick," I told her."I'm just very tired.""When Mom gets tired she doesn't look sick," she said, halfway accusing me."She only looks sick when she fights with Ralph.I hate Ralph.He's a dick head.When he comes over, I make him do 'Jumble' in the paper just because I know he can't.He's a stupid-ass dick head."I didn't admonish her for her dirty mouth.I didn't say a word [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]