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.Kriegshauser might be doing more than tinting.My proposed book is a for-instance.I want to be objective.I plan to be objective.Of course.But how objective can I be? I saw little of Command and wasn't impressed by what I did see.I identify with the fighting men too much already.I'm too much tempted to ignore the reasons why they have to endure this hell.I snort in self-mockery.I'm a powerful man.One reason these people won't open up is that they're afraid of what I'll do to them in print.So I'm a species of eido after all.The occasional threat might have amazing results.Yanevich says that clown Tannian has ballyhooed my presence since I boarded the Climber.He's promised all Confederation a report from inside, the true story of the everyday life of heroes.His PR people are good.Half the population will be waiting breathlessly.Oh, ye mighty megaConmarks, gather ye in mine account—I think Fearless Fred is going to be pissed.I think he assumes I'll follow the Party line.Can I really do it straight? I really am afraid I won't give the broader picture that shows why Command does things that make the men in the trenches furious.* * *My real coup, arranging participation in a Climber mission, didn't reside in getting the Admiral to agree.The man is publicity-mad.No, it was getting the predators senior to Tan-nian to guarantee not to interfere with what I write.I conned them.They think I have to show the warts or the public won't believe.Maybe the coup isn't that great, though.Maybe they outsmarted me.Tannian's foes are legion, and bitter.A lot of them reside in Luna Command.The guarantees could be a ploy to discredit the popular hero.I haven't found anything but warts.So many warts that an imp voice keeps telling me to hedge my bets, to be sure I get past not only Tannian but that coterie of Admirals eager to defame him.After talking to Kriegshauser, I clamber into my hammock.It's been an exhausting few days.The loss of Johnson's Climber finally rips through the shroud of more immediate concerns.I replay the entire incident, looking for something we might have done differently.And end up shedding tears.I give up trying to force the gates of slumber and go.looking for the cat.Fearless confesses this confessor.He's awfully patient with me.He remains as elusive as the eido.Despite the long, enforced proximity of the patrol, I've begun feeling lonely.I've begun detecting traces of the same internal desolation on other faces.I'm not unique in remembering our sisters.The long, leave-me-alone faces are everywhere.It's a quiet ship today.Our ship and Johnson's had an unofficial relationship for a long time, a romance that was a metal wedding, a family understanding.The two hunted and played together through a dozen patrols and leaves, beginning long before anyone in either crew came aboard.In the Climbers that makes an ancient tradition.I find myself asking a bulkhead, "Do Climbers mate for life?" Will we, like some great, goofy bird, now go hunting our own demise? Have we become a rogue bachelor?An inattentive part of me notes that the bulkhead has grown a layer of feltlike fur, like bluegreen moleskin.I touch it.My finger leaves a track.I wander off, forgetting it.In Engineering I find a surly Varese supervising two men cleaning the guts of a junction box with what smells like carbolic."What's up?""Fucking mold."I recall the moleskin wall."Ah?" I don't see anything here.In Weapons half the off-watch are scrubbing and polishing.The carbolic smell is overpowering.Here the fur is everywhere, on every painted surface.It has a black-green tinge.The paler green paint seems to be the mold's favorite snack."How the hell does it get in here?" I ask Holtsnider."Seems it'd be wiped out going through TerVeen.""They've tried everything, sir.Just no way to get every spore.It comes in with crew, food, and equipment."Well.A distraction.Instead of pining about dead women, I can research mold.It's an Old Earth strain that has adapted to Canaan, becoming a vigorous, fecund beast in the transition.Left unchecked, it can pit metal and foul atmosphere with its odor and spores.Though more nuisance than threat, it becomes dangerous if it reaches sensitive printed circuitry.The heat and humidity of Climb encourage explosive growth.Climber people hate it with an unreasoning passion.They invest it with a symbolic value I don't understand."Who won the pool?" I ask as I enter Ops, still having found no sign of Fearless.Blank faces turn my way.These men are busy with mold and mourning, too.Laramie catches on."Baake, in Weapons.The little shit-head."Rose nods glumly, head bobbing on a pull-string.He says, "He only bought one goddamned slip.To get us to quit bothering him.Ain't that a bite in the ass?""Better [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]